Acupuncture - for a young bloke!?
First things first, I would like to apologise for being unable to think of a vocabulary that rhymes with the word 'acupuncture'. So in the end I had to just add random words in to make it sound, well, reasonable in my opinion.
And yes, that young bloke is me for those who are wondering.
I used to think that chinese herbal remedies and therapies, e.g. huge cauldrons of Chinese medicine, cupping therapy, or qigong were an absolute joke; I normally rely on Lemsip or even Sainsburys' Basic Paracetamol (or was it Tesco?) when I have a slight fever, cough or sore throat, but for some reason I decided to give Chinese acupuncture a go at this very night.
"For a young bloke though!?"
Well - age isn't an issue anyway. Since coming back from China on the 6th I was ill for two weeks, and trust me, that feeling was horrendous. I was literally lying on my bed on my birthday and I didn't even move a single bit, apart from having dinner with neighbours. Two weeks later, my cold was gone. But I knew deep inside I was still feeling unwell; my whole body was slightly swelling and I had no energy to do anything. At that moment I felt like I was a 70 year old bloke trying to work, but I did shit all by just sleeping and watching TV all day.
Get a grip, you say? I wished I could, but oh well -
My mum(aka Agnes) suggested that I should go and see a Chinese medicine practitioner. I couldn't refuse of course; I need to fully recover. So last Friday we paid a visit to our practitioner in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong. She first checked my pulse and tongue before coming to a conclusion. "I see that your pulse is very weak; your blood does not circulate properly and your tongue is pale," she said.
Given the fact that I've got a mere C/D grade on my AS Biology, the symptoms my practitioner mentioned sounded like "death is near" to me. Not true of course.
"And why is that?" I asked.
"You've been consuming way too many spicy, savoury food and cold drinks, that's why. You can't have cold drinks that frequently, because your body can't handle it. I suggest you prevent eating/drnking them. That also explains why you keep on growing spots on your face."
"The cure?"
"Some herbal medicine can definitely solve the problem; perhaps you might need to try out acupuncture, it can improve your body functions and promote self-healing process by stimulating the acupoints. What is your age?"
"Just 20."
The practitioner seemed a tad bit surprised. Guess she thought I was bloody 27 or something.
"Well...perhaps you might want to give it a go then?" she asked. Of course, you fool, if not what was the purpose of coming all the way from home then? "Yes, why not?" "That's perfect!"
Whilst my mum was having her acupuncture session in a small room, the practitioner led me to a slightly bigger room and told me to remove my clothes (no sexual imagery intended - after all, I was wearing shorts and I had to take my shirt off) before lying down on a bed. A few minutes later, the practitioner came in with a bunch of needles. A fekkin handful.
PS: Lucky for me, I don't have a phobia of needles.
"It shouldn't hurt, but your limbs and face would be a tad bit numb. No worries about that." "Go for it, let's not wait any longer!"
And so it began. The practitioner took her first needle out from the box and placed it on my left leg, while I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. Funny enough, it didn't hurt at all; apart from the fact that once in a while, it felt as if someone was pricking me with a sharp object. There were 4 needles on my left leg, 4 on my right, and later on she continued placing needles on my left and right arm. The numbness began as I could literally feel a tingling sensation all over my body. She then placed a ton of needles around my face, forehead and chin before she left the room, as she advised me to take a nap and don't move around.
I never got to see how I look with needles all over my face, but I presume I looked like a hedgehog. Creativity at its best.
So I just lay down on the bed, motionless. At one point the right side of my body was completely numb and I couldn't even move my fingers. Perhaps that's what it feels like when you have a stroke.
What about my face? Well there was no chance of blinking or talking so all I could do was to keep my mouth and eyes shut. That was probably the longest 30-minute of my life.
How about my Chinese medicine? You don't even have to guess - it tastes like as if you're chewing off dried wood and dead worms. Certainly in liquid state, and it smells like piss, but it's good for you.
"Good for what?" you might ask. I once brought some pills from HK that looked like pellets from a BB gun; apparently they were good for my liver, brain and kidneys. I beg to differ. Those pills were an absolute joke, but they were heckie expensive. 8 quid per pack.
Overall, my first experience of acupuncture was a bit expected, yet great. We'll see if it could actually improve my health - but for now, let's hope that all is true!
M xx
PS: Click here to go back to the previous page.